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Sometimes, reading CNN.com can induce outbursts of laughter, and that's without reading the long departed (and much mourned) "Fringe" section. Here are some of my favorites. Note that if a title is a hyperlink, it points to the story from which I grabbed the screenshot, just in case you want to verify that I'm not making this stuff up. (Unless of course they broke the URL, in which case you'll get a 404. But that's hardly my fault.)

I've noticed that these things come and go in waves. Maybe I've stumbled upon a way to tell when interns have just started hands-on work.

But If You Won't Tell Me The Problem, How Can I Fix It?

Spotted 11 July 2000

CNN.com screenshot

Whatever it is that dissolved the party, I guess it's really lost.

Just What I've Always Thought

Spotted 12 July 2000

CNN.com screenshot

It's rare that you find a news story with the guts to be so critical of a public figure in such personal terms, and especially in the context of such a tragic story.

Gee, No Kidding

Spotted 26 July 2000

CNN.com screenshot

I thought that was why all planes crashed.

Wow, Dèjá Vu

Spotted 27 July 2000

CNN.com screenshot

Does Tiger know he has a twin brother?

Triple-Time Work

Spotted 27 July 2000

CNN.com screenshot

Somehow, the image seemed appropriate for all three headlines. Maybe that's just me. (Even better, it was right next to the CNNsi box shown above!)

Ouch!

Spotted 9 August 2000

CNN.com screenshot

"...fist-class service...has been a big hit with passengers...." Do I even have to say anything? For that matter, what else could I say?

A Whole New Hairadigm

Spotted 27 December 2000

...and their power shall be secured through the sacrifice of their curly locks. <insert random Samson joke here>

Modern Convenience Assumes New Heights (of Passion)

Spotted 7 February 2001

CNN.com screenshot

Never let it be said that there are no cool gadgets for women to buy. (The headline was quickly changed to "Implant could help women with sexual dysfunction." Yawn.)

Just What I've Always Thought, Part 2

Spotted 8 February 2001

CNN.com screenshot

It's amazing how honest people are being nowadays. I have to admit that I too was surprised and saddened by the longevity of the show.

Has the Revolution Come Already?

Spotted 14 February 2001

CNN.com screenshot

Well, I guess all those lawyers can go home now. We won't be needing the police any more, since there's nothing to enforce. I suppose we can also stop spending money on new prisons. And does this mean we can tell Judge Judy and all the rest of her ilk to kindly shut up now?

Approximate Precision

Spotted 15 February 2001

CNN.com screenshot

Okay, what part of "like clockwork" did the editorial staff not understand?

Even More Industry Regulation

Spotted 21 March 2001

CNN.com screenshot

Oh man, does this mean that my local Ecstasy dealer is going to have to get a license just to sell the stuff? (Thanks to Malcolm for pointing this one out to me.)

Oh, That's Gotta Smart

Spotted 25 January 2002

CNN.com screenshot

I really feel bad for the guy who had to deliver a soliloquy under those circumstances. That's just plume painful.

Woohoo!

Spotted 6 February 2002

CNN.com screenshot

Okay, now they're doing it on purpose. I think.

Good Job, Boys!

Spotted 11 February 2003

CNN.com screenshot

And they've made darned sure the Golden Gate Bridge remained right where we thought it was.

Rules, Rules, Rules

Spotted 10 August 2003

CNN.com screenshot

Wow, those old Soviets were really—one might even say forcibly—cosmopolitan.

Oh, Dear Lord

Spotted 17 January 2004

CNN.com screenshot

Two questions. One, are these two stories related? Two, did we really need that image?

Dèjá Vu All Over Again

Spotted 4 April 2004

CNN.com screenshot

It's just like the Radical Right has been claiming all along: you can hardly tell the difference between those two.

Watch Out For That Treeline

Spotted 8 May 2004

CNN.com screenshot

You know, I would think that Airbus should know that airplanes and peaks don't mix particularly well.

They're Everywhere!

Spotted 20 May 2004

CNN.com screenshot

I think what we all want to know is how many McDonald's were found in Rome, and does McDonald's know they've been found?

Eject! Reject!

Spotted 5 June 2004

CNN.com screenshot

And this is the Navy cadet who shot him down.

Hey, You Can't Not Smoke Here!

Spotted 5 July 2004

CNN.com screenshot

I guess they're so in love with legislating up there, they have fun passing laws that control other laws.

Oh, That Makes Me Feel So Much Safer

Spotted 24 July 2004

CNN.com screenshot

Bike cops: our last, best line of defense.

It's Headed Right For Us!

Spotted 26 July 2004

CNN.com screenshot

It seems that even the magazines about this "sport" are incredibly vicious.

Keep Your Cursor Hand To Yourself

Spotted 11 August 2004

CNN.com screenshot

I agree. Dating Netscape at the office is bound to cause all sort of problems—and just think of the gossip!

How'd We Miss Them All This Time?

Spotted 31 August 2004

CNN.com screenshot

You mean all we had to do to find a new class of planets was bother to search our own planet? Then why the hell did we spend all that money on orbital telescopes?

Echoes Of An Era

Spotted 18 September 2004

CNN.com screenshot

How much waxy buildup do you suppose a Vietnam ear accumulates? Is it different than, say, a German ear or a Canadian ear?

Oh, I'll Bet You Are

Spotted 20 October 2004

CNN.com screenshot

Damn "family values" watchdogs, keeping all the steamy stuff for themselves and not wanting to share with the rest of us...

Identity Archipelago

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