She would have become a teenager this morning, but she didn’t. She would have had her bat mitzvah ceremony this past weekend, as her best friend in the world actually did, but she didn’t. So many more nevers.
I find myself not wanting to talk about it at all, and also wanting to talk about it all the time. This hole, this void, this screaming silent tear in the world that so many can feel but nobody outside that circle can see. How do I make someone who didn’t know her understand? Why would I bring it up with someone who already knows? Where can I go to fill it, to make things complete?
Nowhere, of course. No where, no why, no how.
They tell you that some milestones will be hard to accept, when you become a parent.
They don’t tell you how much harder it will be to accept the milestones that were never passed.