Posts in the Personal Category

It’s A Sign! It’s A Sign!

Published 20 years, 3 months past

Back on September 10th, liberal Tom Toles published a political cartoon equating the hurricanes pummeling Florida this season with a message from God regarding the 2000 election.  Now, thanks to Photo Matt, I’ve now laid eyes on a map that kind of makes the joke seem more real.  Assuming the storm tracks and election results charted there are accurate, and from what little information I’ve been able to gather they appear to be, that’s kind of… spooky.  Hey, if God does indeed have a presence in this world, you’d think he would have dominion over the course of hurricanes; given that, you have to wonder if maybe he’s trying to tell us something.

Especially since the prediction about Ivan turning west is actually coming true.  Having dissipated over the continental United States, the low-pressure remnants of Ivan have managed to get all the way back to the Gulf of Mexico and are re-forming into a tropical storm.  Ivan is currently projected to bring flooding to Louisiana and Texas.  Seriously.

Hmmm…..

(All right, all right, if we must be serious about this, here’s the Snopes rebuttal.  But please note the categories for this post.)


They Got It Fixed Right On

Published 20 years, 3 months past

This morning, as I pulled records for my show, the host before me asked if I had a special theme in mind.  “Nope,” said I; “the next thematic show won’t be until October 20th, which is Jelly Roll Morton’s birthday.  Nothin’ better than two hours of Jelly Roll.”

And then the double entendre hit me.

See, “jelly roll” was once upon a time a slang term for, to put it politely, female genitalia.  This was the case when he took on the moniker, in fact.  It’s sort of the circa-1900 equivalent of “Pussy Galore”.

There’s a tendency to think of earlier eras as being more innocent, more pure in some way.  They weren’t.  Not even close.  If you’re looking for a time when salacious puns and obvious, racy double entendres didn’t exist, you’re going to have to go back to the time before humans invented language, if not further.

Consider for a moment the first two verses and chorus of “They Got It Fixed Right On”, recorded by Georgia Tom Dorsey in 1930:

A girl with a Ford and a guy named Jim
He liked her and she liked him
Ford broke down in a quiet park
Didn’t get home ’till after dark But they got it fixed, ain’t no doubt
Nobody knows what it’s all about
Too bad that the news got out
But they got it fixed right on Well, Peg Leg Sam had a girl named Sue
She broke his peg leg half in two
Only way to fix the leg
Was to have his gal take a whole lot of peg

It starts out relatively tame, of course, but the second verse doesn’t leave a whole lot to the imagination, now does it?  I’m not even sure it qualifies as a double entendre, which I usually think of as being at least somewhat coy.  And remember, this is from 1930.  It isn’t quite as direct as “gonna have you naked by the end of this song”, nor as crude as “I wanna f— you like an animal”— but it isn’t exactly “Tea For Two”, either.

I’m not about to claim that this is the only example of saucy songwriting from the era, either.  Cliff Edwards, better known as Ukelele Ike and the voice of Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio, made a career of racy songs like “I’m A Bear In A Ladies’ Boudoir” and “I’m Going To Give It To Mary With Love”.  That was also the time when Mae West was saying things like “Let’s forget about the six feet and talk about the seven inches” in her movies.

Back to Georgia Tom, though.  A later verse keeps up the laciviousness levels:

A girl went into the butcher’s shop
Grabbed the butcher’s big ham hock
Butcher knocked her off her feet
She missed his bone but she got his meat

I’ve played this song on my show a few times.  One of those times, a fellow programmer came into the studio and said, “Are you sure the FCC will let us air this?”  It seemed unlikely at the time that they’d fine or otherwise penalize us for a song recorded in 1930, but now I’m not so sure.  After all, if Janet Jackson’s nipple can cost CBS approximately $1.1 million per second, who knows?

I know a girl in a pastry shop
Selling those doughnuts and lollipops
Preacher came down to save her soul
She asked him to fix her jelly roll

There’s that jelly roll again, and being offered to a preacher, no less.  If only the kids today behaved more properly and showed some respect for public decency, just like their forebears did, eh?

It’s long been the case that one of the things I love about my show is that I don’t have to worry about previewing the songs.  After all, how much trouble could I get into for playing Billie Holiday or Louis Armstrong?  Plenty, as it turns out.  The original recording of “My Sweet Hunk o’ Trash”, a duet between those two, is included on a Billie Holiday collection we have at the station.  In this version, as Billie sings one of the verses, Louis intersperses comments between her lines (a common practice).  One of his responses is “F— ’em, baby”.  This was in 1944, and Decca records planned to release the song.  Only public complaints from Walter Winchell prompted them to change the line to “How come, baby” in the released song.  The compilation has the original.

So there’s one song I can’t actually air, despite it being recorded half a century ago.  That’s pretty clear.  Although, last I checked, classic rock stations could still get away with airing The Who’s “Who Are You?”, which features the very same ‘naughty word’.  But never mind that now; double standards are, like double entendres, very much par for the human course.  What worries me is the songs that flirt with the line between indecency and obscenity, like “They Got It Fixed Right On”.  Or, for that matter, the 1947 Dinah Washington number “Long John Blues”.

I’ve got a dentist who’s over seven feet tall
Yes I’ve got a dentist who’s over seven feet tall
Long John they call him, and he answers every call Well I went to Long John’s office and told him the pain was killin’
Yes I went to Long John’s office and told him the pain was killin’
He told me not to worry, that my cavity just needed fillin’ He said “when I start drillin’, I’ll have to give you novocaine”
He said, “Yes, when I start drillin’, I’ll have to give you novocaine
Cause ev’ry woman just can’t stand the pain” He took out his trusted drill
And he told me to open wide
He said he wouldn’t hurt me
But he’d fill my hole inside
Long John, Long John, you’ve got that golden touch
You thrill me when you drill me, and I need you very much When he got through, he said “Baby that will cost you ten”
Yes when he got through, he said “Baby that will cost you ten
Six months from now, come back and see me again” Say you’re supposed to see your dentist
‘Bout twice a year, that’s right
But I think I feel it bobbin’
Yes I’ll go back there tonight
Long John, Long John, don’t ever move away
Say I hope I keep on achin’ so I can see you every day.

These days, it’s hard to know what can get you in trouble; even a spot of dental work, we discover, just isn’t safe.  And twice in this entry, I’ve sanitized a certain word beginning with the letter “F” because I know many readers come here from work machines, and I don’t want to be responsible for getting them in trouble with their content filter administrator, let alone their boss.  Some people, upon tripping the content filter, have to fill out paperwork explaining the nature of the site they visited, why it had a Bad Word(tm) on it, and why they shouldn’t be reprimanded or fired as a result.

You’d think we’d have grown up a little more by now.


Photo Hunt

Published 20 years, 3 months past

This is kind of awkward, but here’s the deal: for an article that’s being written about me, we need to include some pictures of me in action, as it were.  I’m going to take some shots of me spinning records on my show tomorrow morning, but what I’d really like to get is good pictures of me presenting.  For these purposes, the ‘livelier’ the shot, the better.  Also good would be any amusing pictures from a conference hallway, or really in any social situation.  If I happen to look a bit goofy in the picture, so much the better; I really wish I had a picture like this one of Scott, but that’s a bit much to hope for.  We’re aiming for shots that capture my personality, not ones that make me look suave.  (Which would probably require some major Photoshop work anyway.)  Thus we’re trying to stay away from posed shots, in general.

So if you happen to have anything along those lines, please either post a URL in the comments or e-mail me directly.  This is for an online article, so the pictures don’t have to be super-high resolution, especially if you’re going to mail the pictures to me as attachments.  If the picture is used, I can’t guarantee that photo credit will be given, but I’ll push very hard to make sure that it is.

Thanks for anything people can contribute!


Do I Have To Pick One?

Published 20 years, 3 months past

Every now and again, I feel good about our city’s main paper, The Plain Dealer.  Today was one of those days; they published a Spinsanity-like piece that dissected the distortions coming from both U.S. presidential candidates.  I was going to lnkblog it, but it turned out they’d split the piece in two on the Web, so I’ll link to them here.

I’d have linked to the printer-friendly versions, except they contained a window.print call, and I wasn’t sure if they’d force a print in some browsers or not.  At the least, they’d call up a print dialog, which is kind of annoying.

The views I expressed in Partied Out are just deepened by this sort of thing.  I know, it’s nothing new.  That doesn’t make it any less depressing.


Ten Things To Do In Cleveland Before You’re Dead

Published 20 years, 4 months past

I quick-linked 10 Things to Do in Cleveland Before You Die, but the more I looked at the list, the less happy it made me.  So I’ve decided to compile my own list.  Note that this list doesn’t include restaurants.  As much as I love to eat, I just don’t think that a single meal is worthy of a “things to do before you’re dead” list, no matter how amazing the meal.  I might compile a separate “Ten Places to Eat In Cleveland” list, but that’s a subject for another day.

  1. Hear the Cleveland Orchestra.

    Not on CD, you goof—anyone can do that.  Hear them perform live and in person at least once in your life.  Odds are you’ll want to make it more than once, given that they’re one of the best orchestras in the world.  Bonus points for seeing them at Blossom Music Center, followed by a fireworks display.

  2. Tour the cultural institutions of University Circle.

    That includes the Cleveland Museum of Art; the Cleveland Museum of Natural History, which includes the Shafran Planetarium; the Western Reserve Historical Society, which includes the Crawford Auto-Aviation Museum; and the Cleveland Botanical Gardens, all within a quarter-mile radius.  Included in that grouping is Severance Hall, home of the Cleveland Orchestra.  This one’s kind of a cheat, since if I mentioned them all separately that would make this a “Top 15 Things To Do” list, which for some reason doesn’t sound as interesting.

  3. Spend a day at the Cleveland Metroparks.

    Known as the “Emerald Necklace”, the extensive park system (20,000 acres in 14 reservations) not only girds the city but also runs throughout the greater metropolitan area.  There are hiking trails, picnic areas, educational events, and a whole lot more, including the Cleveland Metroparks Zoo.

  4. Tour the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

    The real joy is in the smaller cases, where you can find original lyrics sheets to landmark songs complete with scratched-out ideas and arrows marking rearrangements, bills for hotel-room damage, and other tidbits.  The architecture of the building is fascinating as well.

  5. Visit the West Side Market.

    Besides the dozens of fruit and vegetable stalls in the outside promenade, the interior market space is filled with local butchers, bakers, and other amazing treats.  Come early on Saturday morning for the best selection.

  6. Spend Labor Day weekend downtown.

    That’s where and when you’ll find the Taste of Cleveland, a great way to sample various cuisines, while the aerial displays of the Cleveland National Air Show, based not half a mile away, soar overhead.  (Assuming the FAA relaxes its restrictions on such flights near sporting events, that is.)  If you stick around until nightfall, you’ll have a perfect excuse to go party in the Flats, too.

  7. Hit one of the amusement parks.

    Technically these aren’t in Cleveland itself, but they’re close enough to warrant inclusion.  About forty minutes southeast of downtown is Geauga Lake (formerly Six Flags Worlds of Adventure), a combination amusement park and water park.  Just over an hour west of downtown, you’ll find Cedar Point, one of the nation’s premiere amusements parks and the roller coaster capital of the world.

  8. Go sailing on Lake Erie.

    Whether you take out a two-man boat or take a dinner cruise on the Good Time III, it’s worth seeing the city from the water.  Even better, if you’re captain of your own boat, you can sail to one of the islands or head west along the shoreline to Cedar Point.

  9. See a game.

    With three major-league teams (the Indians, Browns, and Cavaliers) playing downtown, if you’re a sports fan, you’ll find a game to watch.  There are a number of other teams in town as well, including the Barons (hockey) and the Force (soccer).

  10. Drop by Lakeview Cemetery.

    Do it while you’re still alive, okay?  You’ll not only get great views of the city, but also see artistic, beautiful monuments to James A. Garfield, John D. Rockefeller, Eliot Ness, and others.  The Wade Chapel, situated on the shores of a pond, features an interior designed by Louis Comfort Tiffany and full of the famous glasswork bearing his name.  Who knows?  Maybe you’ll find a place to rest after you’re dead.

I have to be honest and admit that I haven’t even done everything on my own list.  However, I suspect that as our kids grow up, we’ll do all of those things more than once.


A Labor Day Weekend of Love

Published 20 years, 4 months past

This past weekend, I was honored to be a groomsman in the wedding of Jim and Genevieve.  I suspect that I was chosen in part because my height came reasonably close to matching that of the bridesmaid with whom I was paired, but I can accept that.  It was, without doubt, one of the most interesting wedding events I’ve ever experienced.

Not because of the actual wedding itself—no, that was a fairly normal affair, complete with a quick relocation indoors due to a thunderstorm that arrived precisely on time.  It was more punctual than some of the guests, actually.  Similarly, there was the expected folderol with the photographer, who was stressed out and stressed out everyone else in her attempts to get The Absolute Best Bridal Party Pictures Ever.  Nothing unusual there.  We even had the requisite confusion about who was escorting whom, and in what order, to their seats at the very beginning of the processional, despite having rehearsed it twice the night before.

Things actually got interesting a few weeks back, when the bachelor party started with an afternoon of paintball.  That was before the more normal dinner and then visits to a series of, er, gentlemen’s clubs.  (Sadly, I missed that last part since we only had a babysitter until eleven, and Kat was at the bachelorette party being held the same night.  We drew straws, and I was the one who got to come back home early.)  But paintball?  Who starts off a bachelor party with a bunch of guys running around shooting paint pellets at each other?  The last of my bruises finally vanished a few days ago, in fact.  I mean, it was fun and all, modulo the stinging impacts and aches of course.  It just seemed very, very odd.  Especially that we didn’t all gang up on the groom and paste him head to toe in paint.  And bruises.

Then, the night before the wedding, things got more interesting.  At the rehearsal dinner, Jim presented us with our groomsman gifts, something he’d been saying for a couple of weeks he was really stoked about, all while rightly refusing to say what he’d gotten.  All of them were obviously the same thing, and felt through the wrapping paper like a set of Craftsman wrenches or something similar.  Turns out he got us all Victor II paintball guns (excuse me, “markers”).  Seriously.

I mean, I’ve heard of shotgun weddings before, but this is something else altogether.

Apparently, there will be more paintball in our futures.  Kat was really excited, announcing in front of everyone that she hoped there’d be monthly paintball, because she wants me out of the house.  Really, that’s how she phrased it.  I felt so very loved.

Then there was the night after the wedding.  After a well-attended and very tasty barbeque on the shore of Lake Erie, a bunch of us deliberately went to play Whirlyball.  “What’s that?” you ask.  It’s sort of like lacrosse, except the competitors drive around the playing arena in bumper cars.  Seriously.  Go check out the site if you don’t believe me.  I can wait.

Now for the part many of you may not believe: Whirlyball is actually a lot of fun.  Besides the sheer joy of driving around bumper cars for fifteen minutes straight, you’re involved in a game that actually lends itself to some sophisticated strategy and tactics, if you pay attention and have teammates who do the same.  There’s just one thing I really want to know.  Why Whirlyball?  There’s really no whirling in the game unless you get confused by the car’s steering mechanism and start driving in a circle… or, as happened to one player, get the steering mechanism slammed into your groin, causing him to slump over and drive in a small circle for a while, feebly waving his scoop in the air whenever the referee asked if he was okay.  I guess that’s why they tell you to buckle the seat belt low and tight across your lap.

Frankly, more weddings should be as fun as theirs.


Antispinward

Published 20 years, 4 months past

I’m just throwing this out as a general advisory: if you have any interest in the American Presidential campaign, or in analyses of spin and distortion in general, make it a habit of stopping by Spinsanity.  Or you could subscribe to their RSS feed.  I’ve had to fight the urge to just repost links to everything they write, so consider this a recommendation.  They do a great job of analyzing rhetoric from both campaigns, pointing out inaccuracies in media reporting on politics, taking on books and documentaries, and more.  The non-partisan stance and rigorous insistence on getting to the truth come as a welcome antidote to, well, just about everything else about the campaign.

Recent favorites:

Heck, they’re all good.  Right now, the site’s authors are pushing their new book “All The President’s Spin” pretty hard, which probably lends to the perception that they’re a left-wing group.  I haven’t seen any leftward shift in their posts, though; they’re still taking on both sides and the media itself.

So like I say, if you’ve any interest in these sorts of things, go sign up for the feed or add them to your bookmarks.  The lessons in spin, deception, and media distortion you’ll receive are well worth the investment of your time.


Hypertext 2004

Published 20 years, 5 months past

So here I am in Santa Cruz, California, at the Hypertext 2004 conference. Tantek Çelik and Eric Meyer flank a conference poster presenting XFN. Our XFN poster presentation, in its full A0 glory, is up for everyone to see.  We’re really looking forward to hearing the conference attendees’ feedback.

Yesterday I presented a full-day tutorial on standards-oriented design which seems to have been well received by those who attended.  In the afternoon portion I presented a standards-oriented makeover of acm.org, which has some of the worst markup I’ve ever seen.  Go ahead, take a look at the HTML source for the links in the right-hand sidebar.  You’ll be astonished.

Then again, yesterday I went to download the conference program and discovered it was a link to a PDF file with PHP session ID information appended to the URL.

(A short pause while I contemplate some choice words.)

What they pretty obviously did was take the PDF that was used to create the printed program and throw it online, which I suppose I can understand.  It’s easy to take an existing file and just publish it.  In addition, the Thursday keynote is a case study of the creation of the PDF format.  But c’mon, guys—how about some hypertext, maybe?  Just a little?  Even links in the PDF?  The content lends itself beautifully to structural HTML, actually.

Oh well.  The cobbler’s children and all that, I suppose.


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