Posts in the Personal Category

A Family Loss

Published 19 years, 5 months past

In the week leading up to the Independence Day (U.S.) holiday, my father’s side of the family gathered for its annual reunion.  This was a big year, with practically everyone there—my father and his siblings, and their assorted children and grandchildren.  There were only two people out of 33 that did not plan to be there.  Even my father’s mother, a 97-year-old widow with very limited mobility and physical reserves, made the trek to upstate New York to be a part of the festivities.

In the week before the reunion, one of my father’s sisters-in-law—aunt to me and my cousins—fell and cut her leg.  Complications, including a pulmonary clot, put her in the hospital for a few days.  So it looked as though aunt Audrey and her husband Tren, my father’s brother, would miss the reunion.

In the end, Tren did come to the reunion after all, but not as any of us would have wished:  Audrey died the morning of the second day of the reunion.

On the first day of July, with almost the entire family present, from my grandmother down to her many great-grandchildren, we held a memorial service for Audrey.  We were able, thanks to some fantastic coincidences, to secure some wonderful musicians to play a small selection of tunes.  The service was held with the family in a circle, sitting in a room facing a cliff that dropped into a glacial lake.  The sun was bright in a cloud-dotted sky as various family members shared their thoughts and memories of Audrey.

With my attention on Carolyn and some of the other little ones, I did not manage to speak up, but there is little I could have said besides this small thing, to Tren and Audrey’s son, Don: It is a terrible thing to lose a mother, but a truly wonderful thing to have had, for however brief a time all those years may seem, a mother as loving as she.

Yesterday, we gathered again in Tren and Audrey’s home town of Cincinnati to wish her farewell along with the congregation of her church.  Afterward, I gave Tren a card which I hope gave him some comfort.  It read:

When you look up tonight, don’t think of them as stars.  Think of them as porch lights welcoming your loved one home.


Mapping Doomsday

Published 19 years, 6 months past

This past Friday night, in conversation with a couple of our friends, the subject of high school fears of annihilation came up.  Ferrett said he’d done a class project showing how, if New York City got hit with a nuclear warhead, his home town of Norwalk, CT would be destroyed as well.

“Wait a minute, that can’t be right,” I said.  “How far is it from Manhattan to Norwalk?”

He didn’t know for sure, so we went to Google Maps for a rough estimate.  49.2 miles, it said, although of course that’s a driving distance, not a straight-line measure.

Still, I felt confident in asserting that no way would Norwalk be destroyed.  Not even with a 20-megaton warhead, which was what he remembered using in his example.  A few windows might get shattered, and of course if the wind were from the southwest they’d be getting a whole lot of fallout.  But flattened?  No.  I was pretty sure not.

“Hold on,” I said, “I’ll be right back.”

I ran up to the library and went straight to the “military and arms control” shelf, where I pulled out my copy of “The Effects of Nuclear Weapons”, 3rd Edition (1977).  In the back, it has this handy “Nuclear Bomb Effects Computer”, a circular slide-rule type of affair.  You can fiddle with an online version of the calculator from the 2nd Edition (1962) of the same book, and the complete text of the 3rd Edition is also available online.  I went back downstairs and pulled out the calculator.

Humming to myself, I slipped and swished the dials until I came up with the answer a bit more severe than expected, but not terribly far off.  At a range of 45 miles, the maximum overpressure for an optimum-altitude air burst with a 20MT yield would be somewhere around 0.8psi.  The calculator actually doesn’t show overpressure figures below 1psi for optimum-altitude bursts, though it goes down to 0.1psi for ground bursts.  It also doesn’t go any higher than a 20MT yield.  A 0.8psi overpressure would shatter most windows, particularly those facing the shock wave, and might cause light damage to some residential homes.  The direct thermal radiation, even assuming line-of-sight to the fireball, would be less than 1 cal/cm2, which isn’t enough to cause any damage.  Otherwise, there would be a brief pulse of 30-mile-per-hour wind as the shock wave passed, and of course there would be EMP effects.  And, you know, fallout.

So it’s not like things would be all peaches and cream for the folks in Norwalk, but the town would still be standing.

At this point, I wondered if there were perhaps a tool online that would show this sort of information more visually.  I Googled a bit more, and came up with the Nuclear Weapon Effects Calculator, which lets you pick from a short list of cities, dial up the yield of your explosion, and click on the image to change the detonation point.  Guess where they got their data for the thermal ring, as well as the 5psi and 2psi thresholds?  Yep: “The Effects of Nuclear Weapons”, 3rd Edition.

That’s when my inner geek kicked into overdrive.  I’d been meaning to dig into the Google Maps API anyway, so I signed up for a key and developed my own version.  I call it HYDESim, which stands for “High-Yield Detonation Effects Simulator”.  You can pick from a list of cities or input any latitude/longitude coordinates Google Maps covers, set the yield you find most interesting, and see what the effects might be.  Each successive ring marks a successive overpressure threshold: 15psi, 5psi, 2psi, 1psi.  I included 0.25psi in the list because it’s the point at which even windows wouldn’t be damaged, but left it off the map because it was too huge.  (I thought about adding a way to switch psi rings on and off, and in the end didn’t feel like doing the necessary hackery.)  15psi is the point at which reinforced-concrete structures might be able to survive with severe damage; 5psi is where homes might start to survive with severe damage; and 2psi is where home damage drops to light.  Roughly speaking.

I didn’t include rings for thermal effects or electromagnetic pulses: this is strictly about blast wave damage.  It’s also “idealized”, which means that there’s no effort made to account for terrain changes, urban density, ground type, and so on.  The script just uses the formulae and information in the book to calculate maximum-overpressure distances for arbitrary yields, and plops down circles as appropriate.  So the “Simulator” part of the name is probably exceedingly grandiose.  Then again, you never know what a future spate of hacking might bring.

Also: apologies to New Yorkers that your city is the default target, but its destruction and the follow-on physical effects in Norwalk are what got me started on this… and, let’s face it, in any wide-scale nuclear conflict, you’d have been the top city on the target list.

Doing this was an interesting exercise in both Google Maps programming and lightweight AJAX, which I’d also been meaning to investigate; the city list is built from an XML file that sits outside the XHTML document and its scripts.  I’ll have some observations about the Google Maps API in another post— specifically, what I found to be major limitations given what I was trying to do— but for now, here’s your chance to get a slightly more concrete idea of what had us all so scared during the Cold War.  As the simulator demonstrates, even a 1MT (1000KT) device could do a whole lot of damage.


The Pooh Progression

Published 19 years, 6 months past

On Friday, the voice of Tigger died.  Then on Saturday, the voice of Piglet died.

What I want to know is whether Disney security protecting the people who provide the voices of Winnie-The-Pooh, Eeyore, Owl, Gopher, Kanga, Roo, and the rest—or is Disney security, or possibly rogue elements within it, actually behind it all?

Dark times in the Hundred Acre Wood… dark times indeed.


Scientificologically Speaking

Published 19 years, 6 months past
And I know that– psychiatry is– is a pseudo science.
— Tom Cruise

Considering that deeply informed opinion was delivered by an adherent to a pseudo religion, I think that we as a species need to take it very seriously indeed.

But I still want to see his new star vehicle.


Technorati Redesigns

Published 19 years, 6 months past

It’s the time for redesigns, I guess—CNN did it over the weekend, and now Technorati has taken its beta design final.  I’m proud to say I had a part in making Technorati’s new look possible.  The graphic design was done by Derek Powazek, and from his graphic comp files I produced the XHTML and CSS.  Then I had to run the Tantek gauntlet; the job wasn’t done until he approved of the code I’d produced.

If you dig under the hood of the new design, you’ll probably find things you’d have done differently.  I’m not going to go into a detailed post-mortem here, but suffice to say that every choice was made within the project’s defined constraints.  So when you see, for example, a bunch of b elements used to create the corners, that approach was the best choice for the project: it best satisfied the concerns and demands of the various people involved.

This is not to say that my choices were the best for other projects with similar design demands but different technical demands.  They aren’t.  At a certain level, there are no canonically right answers.  There may be a whole spectrum of related solutions, where one variation is better for this project and another for that one.  And people like me, despite all their experience and knowledge, don’t always hit the right answer on the first try.  My initial approach to the corners is not what you see in the final markup.

That said, I am pleased with how I combined positioning and sprite-like styling to get the corners to work.  I know each technique has been done before, but I’m not aware of previous combinations of the two.  So that’s definitely a point of pride.  I hope to find time to document the details of this particular corner solution, along with variant approaches.

I’d like to thank Derek and the rest of the Technorati team for letting me be a part of the redesign project, and for giving me a chance to flex my creative and technical muscles.


Workshop Wrap-Up

Published 19 years, 7 months past

I think that, overall, the workshops went very well indeed.  Probably the most frustrating thing was that the hotel lacked net access for the entire time I was there.  Oh, they had a network, with drops in the rooms and a first-floor wifi cloud.  It’s just that the network was completely broken for the entire five days, save a two-hour window in the middle of one of the days.

But that annoyance aside, everything else was great.  The attendees asked a lot of interesting questions and soaked up the firehose of information I was blasting their way.  There was some good (and good-natured) give-and-take on the subject of tables versus CSS for layout, with plenty of examples of where each approach might be better or worse than others.  And hey, I wore a tie!  Both days!  Ryan has the picture to prove it!

He also has the British spelling of “favorite” to prove that he’s been away from Colorado for too long.

Anyway, I’d like to send a huge thank you to everyone who attended for making it a great experience.  I had fun, and I think you did too.  Now for two bits of trivia about the attendees:

  • The quiet, bearded man who sat house right in the third or fourth row on Saturday was none other than Michaël Guitton, a significant and early contributor to S5, the slide show system I used to present the morning notes.  I didn’t find this out until the end of the day, or else I’d have made him stand to take a bow.  (Which might be why he waited until the end of the day to introduce himself.)

    He was also the only person at lunch to order the salmon, although I came very close to doing so myself.

  • On Friday, as a number of us headed up the street for social hour, one of the attendees mentioned he’d been in Cleveland and Columbus many years ago.  I asked what had brought him there, and he said he’d been touring with a band.

    “Oh, really?” said I.  “That’s cool.  Um, any chance it’s a band I might have heard of?”

    “The Jesus and Mary Chain”, he said.

    WHAT?!?!?

    I had to ask him three times if he was having me on.  Turns out he wasn’t: I was talking to Dave Evans, who was their guitarist in the late 80s.  Seriously.  I could not make this up even if I tried.  I really had a former member of the Jesus and Mary Chain in my CSS workshop.

    That’s so far beyond incredible that I can’t even describe where it ends up.


How Many Fingers?

Published 19 years, 7 months past

Earlier this evening, I ventured from the Hilton Kensington to find dinner.  I ended up at The Mitre, an upscale pub a block east of the Holland Park tube stop.  I found the food to be quite excellent, and on a Thursday night things were fairly quiet.  I proceeded to slowly kill two bottles of still water and a full three courses.

As I was eating, a few degrees to the left of my straight ahead sat a couple, sharing a pint and talking animatedly to each other.  Gradually, I came to realize that there was something unusual about the young woman, but I wasn’t quite sure what.  I watched them a bit more closely for a while, and then as she reached up to brush back her hair it hit me: her left hand had only the thumb and first two fingers.

To be nakedly honest, I experienced a deeply visceral reaction—not revulsion, but a certain kind of personal horror.  There is something about physical deformations that primally disturbs and scares me.  Every time it does, however, I confront the reaction and examine it as if it were a stranger.  I stare into my own bias and try to understand it a little more fully, to lessen its power.  I think that perhaps my reaction springs from a projection of the observed deformity onto myself.  What if I were without fingers, or blind, or had an amputated limb?  I feel some faint echo of an alternate self, alien to me and yet all too real.  Most real of all is the fear that given such a burden, I would not bear it well.  In the distorted mirror that reflects my deformed body, I see a darkened face and an angry soul.

As I force myself to stare into that face, I wonder if it is an accurate self assessment, or a projection of my fears.  I tell myself it is a projection, believe that it is with all my might, and perhaps believing will make it so.

After watching a few minutes more, I could clearly see what had initially seemed odd about her.  She had a distinct tendency to wedge the deformed hand between her crossed legs, or to keep it in her lap under the table.  If the left hand came up, it usually rested next to her ear, the hand buried in her hair.  Every movement was natural, her body at ease in every moment; she’d obviously had a long time to develop these tendencies so that they were not affected, but totally unconscious.

When she had to pick up a plate with her right hand and reached out with the left to move her glass as well, I could see why her habits were so ingrained.  The shape of her hand, wrist, and arm convinced me that no accident had befallen her except that of birth: she’d never had the fingers.

I studied her again in this new light.  As before, she was quite pretty, with a wonderful smile and an easy laugh for her companion, who was clearly a romantic partner.  Her movements were animated, and she had that enthusiasm and energy that only the young seem to truly possess.  In every observable way, she was a very happy and lovely person.

I wondered what it was like for her, growing up with a deformed hand.  Children need little enough excuse to be cruel to other children; how must she have been taunted?  And yet it did not seem to have made her angry or bitter.  I cannot claim to know the details of her personality based on an hour’s observation, but I am convinced she was not that way.  If anything, she seemed like the kind of person to whom happiness came almost naturally.  She seemed like someone it would be a joy to know.

When people asked Kat and me what kind of baby we wanted, our answer was always, “A healthy one—ten fingers, ten toes, that kind of thing”.  Yet here was a woman who was, to all appearances, fully healthy except for a malformed hand.  And is such a thing really unhealthy?  It is different, but that isn’t the same thing.

We are all imperfect, some more visibly than others.  Between the two of us, this bright young woman and me, who was the more flawed: she with her hand, or me with my fears?


Not Going To Be @media

Published 19 years, 7 months past

A few people have asked recently if, given that I’m going to be in London in early June, I’ll be showing up for @media.  I’m sorry to say that the answer is no.  Why not?  The honest answer is that I’m not speaking there.  These days, if I’m not speaking at a conference, I can’t spare the time and expense it would take to attend.  In fact, it’s the default case that if I can’t at least break even on a conference, I won’t be there whether or not I’ve been asked to speak—which I wasn’t, in the case of @media, so there you go.  There are exceptions, like SXSW and WWW2005, but those are rare and require a good deal of justification.

Too big an ego on our boy Eric?  Maybe.  What it comes down to is this: I can make money to support my family by staying home and working, or by traveling to conduct customized training for clients.  To lose money on an event that will take me away from my wife and daughter just doesn’t make sense.

Besides, it’s not like @media is going to be lacking for truly excellent speakers.  You’ve got Jeffrey, Joe, Doug, and Molly in the lineup, plus all the others I really ought to list individually but am clearly too lazy to do so.  It should be a great time for all, and while I’m sorry I’ll miss it, with all those high-powered rock stars on stage I seriously doubt I’ll be missed.


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